Mary Sellner of Kitchener

Born: in Poland

Died: Jan. 11, 2010 of age-related illness

KITCHENER — Mary Sellner made her daughter swear never to reveal her date of birth or her age. It was one of the little quirks that made Mary a unique woman, a woman with strong ideas and an even stronger resolve.

“You do the math,” says Margaret van Miltenburg, one of two children born to Polish immigrants Mary and Felician (Felix) Sellner.

Mary, one of five children, came from a well-off family, her parents successful restaurateurs, though life changed dramatically when she was a young woman.

“Her university education was cut short because the war started,” said Margaret. “Her mother had a beautiful ebony wood suite that she sold after the war so she could finish her education.” Mary’s mother was forward thinking, knowing education would be important to her eldest daughter’s future but she could not have predicted the direction it would take.

Mary became a high school math and science teacher and was promoted to vice-principal before being hired as a member of Poland’s Education Ministry. It seems her career and life was set. At least until an unusual set of circumstances, happening a world away, launched a chain of events.

Felix’s family farmed in northern Poland, and when his family lost their lands during the Second World War, he immigrated to Canada, finding a farm labourer job near Kitchener. He made friends quickly, particularly within the Polish community and it was during an outing with these friends that one young woman teased he was already in his 30s and not yet married. Felix replied that if he could find someone like her, he would consider it. That young woman was Mary’s cousin and through her, Mary and Felix began corresponding: he wrote almost daily, Mary was more circumspect.

Both were in their late 30s so after a year of corresponding plus several phone calls and exchanging photos they decided to marry, though neither had actually set eyes on each other. Mary was ripe for a new adventure and in 1960, she boarded a ship bound for Canada.

Margaret said her mother spoke of her first glimpse of Canada: the fishing villages of rocky Newfoundland. Coming from a large cosmopolitan city in Poland, Canada must have seemed desolate, remote, but it was too late to turn back.

The couple was married a month after Mary arrived, a month after she first set eyes on Felix. “They were so different,” said Margaret. “She was educated, he wasn’t. To me it was fate.” Her parents, both just an inch or so taller than five feet, always appeared happy together.

“When I was three my dad had his first heart attack,” she said. It was the beginning of years of ill health.

Mary, highly educated and stylish was not always accepted by some people within the Polish community but she wasn’t deterred and began volunteering for everything. She became principal of the Saturday Polish Language School, where she also produced, wrote, directed and choreographed pageants, programs and a folk dance group. She was instrumental in reviving a traditional Polish Christmas pageant known as Jaselka, taking her group to perform in Hamilton as well.

Through the Polish community, Mary was able to express her many talents. However, in her work life, she was never able to teach again, and instead worked in the kitchen of Grand River Hospital. It was the sacrifice she willingly made, to come to a new country and marry the man she loved.

“We did everything together as a family,” said Margaret, recalling dressing up in their Sunday best for a bus ride to downtown Kitchener. Felix was proud of his family, proud of being Canadian and wanted them to look happy and successful. “We had to speak proper English,” said Margaret. “No one was to know we were immigrants’ kids.”

Felix eventually had to retire early, no longer able to work after his third heart attack. He died of cancer in 1977.

“It wasn’t an easy life for my mom,” said Margaret, who describes her mother as stoic, sometimes stubborn, a woman though losing her eyesight to macular degeneration never let it slow her down. “She always tried to see the good in people,” said Margaret.

vhill@therecord.com